The festivities are over and the family has departed. This time last year I was trying to convince myself that the house was blissfully quiet and peaceful. All three of my children (and their friends) had come home for Christmas, with the chaos, noise and bustle that inevitably accompanies a houseful of teens and twentysomethings. Once they had returned to jobs and university the silence was deafening and the house cold and deserted.

The reality was that having mustered a cheery smile for the goodbyes, I was feeling almost unbearably bereft. As I half-heartedly swept up pine needles and reheated turkey soup for two, I felt the bleak chill of the empty nest engulf me afresh.

Like most parents of newly grown-up children, I've had to deal with their departure from home - and I've missed them terribly. My career as a writer, a large and elderly house that needs constant attention, and a loving relationship with my partner have all helped to ease the empty-nest syndrome. But however emotionally well balanced you are, you can't help feeling wonderfully complete when your chicks come home, in a noisy, laughing, tumbling bundle of love. And horribly desolate when, all too soon, they fly the nest - again.

Unsurprisingly, keeping busy is key when it comes to fighting the depression brought on by empty-nesting. Sarah McCloughry, a psychotherapist and life coach, says that to overcome the feelings of loss it is vital to have something in your life that you feel passionate about, other than parenting.

“The more you've invested in being a parent, the harder you'll find it to say goodbye to your children. Traditionally Christmas is a time for families and many parents feel bereft once the festivities are over and their children have left. So it's especially important now to acknowledge all the other good things in your life. Make an effort to be sociable; invite friends round. Try to appreciate the calm and meditative qualities of having the house to yourself. Remember that being alone isn't the same as being lonely.”

Empty-nest syndrome often affects mothers more than fathers and experts say that it can take up to two years for the feelings of depression and sadness to recede. Recognising that you're struggling is the first step to coping, and empty-nesters employ all kinds of strategies to tackle their feelings.

Sue, 51, spent a week crying in her bedroom when her third and youngest son left for university. “It was as if my whole reason for being had been gradually eroded, and now it was finally gone,” she recalls. Sue had been a full-time mother but had always been keen on keeping fit.

Her turning point came when a good friend insisted that she accompany her to an exercise-to-music class. Sue loved it and ended up training to be a teacher. A year later her life is full, with a busy teaching schedule and the admin demanded by her new business. “I love Christmas and other family times,” she says, “but when my children leave I'm far too busy to mope.”

Susan Irving, a psychotherapist, agrees that although being a full-time mother is a hard and selfless job, those women who manage to retain time for themselves are least likely to suffer when their children leave home.

“It's about having something else of value in your life,” she says. “It doesn't need to be earth-shatteringly important; it can be something as simple as a weekly yoga class. As long as it represents a block of time when you are putting your own needs before those of your children.”

The new year is an excellent time to re-evaluate your life, make plans and, in some cases, start afresh. And the flip side of the empty-nesting coin is that the absence of offspring means that parents are suddenly free to do as they please. Some embrace this new-found sense of liberation with open arms.

Expedition of a lifetime

When Marie and John's only daughter flew the nest, it was John who had a hard time coping. But Marie knew exactly what to do. “For years John had talked about sailing round the world,” she recalls. “He was an experienced sailor and we were comfortably off, so I just said to him, ‘now's our chance'.” Within a month the couple had rented out their house, bought a boat and set off on the expedition of a lifetime. “The trip took a year and a half,” Marie says. “And it changed our entire perspective on life. We rediscovered what it is to feel independent. We saw places we'd never dreamt of seeing and we rekindled our relationship. It's the best thing we ever did.”

For some couples a newly empty home marks the start of a new and exciting phase of their relationship. But McCloughry says that part of the empty-nest syndrome may be the realisation that the presence of children has masked a disintegrating relationship.

“Parenthood involves making sacrifices and some couples find that one of the things they've sacrificed is their relationship. The good news is that you can choose to do what Buddhists call ‘turning the poison into medicine'. Seize the opportunity to rediscover the love and passion you once had - seek counselling if necessary - and rebuild your life together.”

Ultimately, however, a parent will always be a parent. And most children, whatever their age, like to feel that they can turn to them in times of need. “It won't be long before, on some level, you're needed again,” says Irving. “Enjoy your family Christmas and when it's over send your children back to university with a smile, secure in the knowledge that they will be back soon.”

On Boxing Day last year, as I wandered rather aimlessly around our rambling and draughty five-bedroom house in Devon, I decided to tackle the gloom caused by my empty nest and fill the space. A B&B seemed too soulless and my partner and I agreed that having a lodger was too risky (what if she or he turned out to be unbalanced/played loud music late at night/ran up a huge phone bill?).

A visiting friend hit the nail on the head. “You live in a quiet, tranquil place, surrounded by beautiful countryside. It's perfect for anyone who needs space to write,” she said. My excitement grew as I realised she'd found the perfect solution. By the end of February, three bedrooms were freshly painted and carpeted, desks and kettles were in situ. White bedding and bathrobes created a cosy but Zen-like feeling to avoid distractions and a jar of fresh flowers welcomed our first guests last March.

My writers' retreat has been the perfect remedy for my empty-nesting feelings. And the informality of having guests to eat with us and discuss their work around the fire in the evenings has gone a long way towards reviving the feeling of a bustling family home. The need to cook meals and provide a nurturing environment has - on some level - soothed my redundant maternal urges.

And the extra income has proved a useful contribution to the running costs of a large house and a mortgage that has grown rather than shrunk over the years.

When the chicks fly home for a visit, they are charmed to find interesting people of all kinds in the family home and we all enjoy a lively and sociable few days.

So this year after Christmas I hugged my offspring goodbye and waved them off cheerfully. But, right on schedule, as I stripped their beds and salvaged lone socks and abandoned Christmas trinkets, a familiar wave of depression threatened to engulf me. Feelings of pride that I had produced such independent and capable individuals tussled briefly with a sense of utter loss and abandonment.

With an effort, I persuaded myself that pride should win the day. Besides which there wasn't time for too much reflection. Another group of writers was arriving shortly and the house would soon be full again.

For more details on Deborah Dooley's writers' retreat, http://www.deborahdooleyjournalist.co.uk/

Tips: How to cope

Sarah McCloughry, a psychotherapist and life coach, offers this advice on how to cope with empty-nest syndrome:

Get emotional support This can come from your partner and family, and from friends who have been through it. This is a seminal moment, when your parental role has changed irrevocably. For some this can be an experience of profound bereavement and you may need professional help.

Work hard to maintain your social life All too often the departure of children means the loss of an entire social network - their schools and their friends' parents.

Young at heart Stay abreast of trends and things that appeal to younger people. Doing this will enhance your closeness to your children even though they are far away.

Action diminishes fear It really can't be said too often - activity releases you from the depression that empty-nesting can bring. So, set up a new business, do some voluntary work, make a worthwhile contribution to society in some way. It will give purpose to your life and help you to see that you can still make a difference.

Tips: what the children can do

Be considerate to your parents Leaving home in an uncaring fashion and returning for the festive season with a bored “I'm only here as a favour” attitude will almost certainly make your mum and dad feel depressed and redundant. Being positive and appreciative will make parting easier for everyone.

Communicate Make regular phone calls home or send texts. Knowing that you are OK will make your parents' life easier and happier.

Be willing to talk For example, about how you miss each other is important. Avoid the elephant-in-the-room scenario where everyone pretends that everything in the garden is rosy.

Share the joys and excitement of your new life but don't be afraid to discuss the downside - and ask their advice. Remember that they were once as young as you are now.

Never feel guilty about your parents' sadness They are not your responsibility. The biggest and best present you can give your parents is to show them that you are capable of living an independent, happy life.